Today is one of the most unforgettable days of my life, my journey so far had mixed experiences. I must say, in just twenty four years of my life, I have by n large seen the best and worst days of my life. From the most blissful days to the days of loneliness, with only a laptop and notepad to share my experiences. It was this day, I have always waited for each year, until recent times, This day has always been the most celebrated one for years, and now loneliness prevails. A silent loneliness with an appetite for life.
I have lived a thousand lives in every moment, when I heard the song from your heart. Every time, you were tired and looked up to smile at me. When you were busy eating, some times just had a short nap as we traveled together. In every such moment, my life said to my heart, perhaps this why you beat and I live.
I would have loved to die with only these moments and memories but, destiny was not so merciful to me.
When I helplessly watched you leave, I died a thousand deaths, I felt the pain of dying a thousand times in single moment of life. I still have a lot to ask, a lot to express, I don't have words, I leave it to tears at times, and at times to silence. Do you know how it feels to oscillate between living a thousand lives in a moment to dying a thousand deaths?
Painful.
The moment when first your hands separated from mine, my reluctant fingers still had a hope to hold on to yours, but they had only air left between them. They write in dismay. My eyes, wanted to see you turn, and come back. They still have tears and questions in them, as they read these lines. My heart, still aches, every time a flying page of memory comes to hang on the tree of my present existence. I live in these weak moments every day. Perhaps I have lost all my strength in the oscillations between life and death.
Thanks for coming in to my life. I forgive you for the pain I feel as I live through all moments of my life. I thank you for making me live a thousand lives in a moment of togetherness. I Thank you for giving this precious day to me, when I consolidate and see through my own life.
Samar.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Pain !
Silence has a rhythm of its own, a song, a composition, try to listen carefully, silence has words, words which galvanize with your thoughts. Silence has a beautiful composition, painless, expressionless, tasteless, thoughtful.
The rhythm of silence takes me back to a day in Samar's life, a painful day, read through.
Its 2008, 3rd January, a guy stands in front of an office in Hitech City of Hyderabad, with shivering hands, staring at a building, vehicles passing with great speed behind him. He manages to walk down to find a place to sit and look around.
Its Samar.
This is one of the days Samar is living for himself, with only memories around him, he hears the sounds of laughter, sees smiling faces, friends walking around, reema looking up to him with a smile. This is a shadow of the past, when Samar, reema, and all friends spent time, after their days work @ night 12:30, with a coffee cup in hand. He sees all that does not exist any more, what surrounds him are a group of strangers, he some times smiles, ushers some words, remains quite. All in attempt to live the life as past. Although knowing, its over, its not going to come back.
After an hour, he gets up, walks to his car, unlocks it and takes the drives seat. Wondering so much has changed. As he drives, he recollects, the days, when reema traveled along. Every moment with her. Every word of her. All about her.
Samar drives down not knowing where he is heading to. Still tarnished memories are striking his thoughts.. He continues to drive and like the road to his destination, the road of his life is also endless, filled with memories and Pain, as he steers his life.
Are you traveling on a road parallel to Samar's road of life? May be or May be not, but in any relationship, people go, pain stays. It stays as long as we exist. Good luck to Samar, and good luck to you with your journey, if you are steering on a parallel road !
Some one rightly said
ज़िंदगी से बड़ी सज़ा ही नहीं
क्या जुर्म kiya है पता भी नहीं
The rhythm of silence takes me back to a day in Samar's life, a painful day, read through.
Its 2008, 3rd January, a guy stands in front of an office in Hitech City of Hyderabad, with shivering hands, staring at a building, vehicles passing with great speed behind him. He manages to walk down to find a place to sit and look around.
Its Samar.
This is one of the days Samar is living for himself, with only memories around him, he hears the sounds of laughter, sees smiling faces, friends walking around, reema looking up to him with a smile. This is a shadow of the past, when Samar, reema, and all friends spent time, after their days work @ night 12:30, with a coffee cup in hand. He sees all that does not exist any more, what surrounds him are a group of strangers, he some times smiles, ushers some words, remains quite. All in attempt to live the life as past. Although knowing, its over, its not going to come back.
After an hour, he gets up, walks to his car, unlocks it and takes the drives seat. Wondering so much has changed. As he drives, he recollects, the days, when reema traveled along. Every moment with her. Every word of her. All about her.
Samar drives down not knowing where he is heading to. Still tarnished memories are striking his thoughts.. He continues to drive and like the road to his destination, the road of his life is also endless, filled with memories and Pain, as he steers his life.
Are you traveling on a road parallel to Samar's road of life? May be or May be not, but in any relationship, people go, pain stays. It stays as long as we exist. Good luck to Samar, and good luck to you with your journey, if you are steering on a parallel road !
Some one rightly said
ज़िंदगी से बड़ी सज़ा ही नहीं
क्या जुर्म kiya है पता भी नहीं
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