The tree of time, has all its branches intact. We sever moments from a branch of time, call them memories, for the tree its just a leaf of moment, we classify it.
Often, we live out thinking that time would heal the pain that is at times deep-seated in our hearts. Time, has carving on its trunk, for all that we have done in our lives, and what we shall do are carving's yet to come. Each and every sad embarking, is a scar, on the face of time, but we say, time would heal it.
Ever thought, how heavy heart of this tree would be with sad memories, unfulfilled passions, desires which could not mitigate. Between sun and earth, exists this tree of time, with few green branches filled with life, love and a few dried up, with broken leaves. Loneliness is a pigeon which sits on the later, often takes a flight deep into my heart from one such dry branch everyday.
I write, so that I give a place on paper to this loneliness in my heart, it makes me feel lighter. I have my share of green branches as well, but they are drying up everyday. Pigeon of loneliness, finds new branch to hang on each day, its flight is in unison with the frequency of the universal silence.
It continues to bring me the dried leaves from a new branch each day.
Dried leaves.
Samar.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Catastrophe !
Silence wrapped in words, conveys an expression truly hard to understand. Ever felt that impulse of words, coming in the mind to break the silence, yet, silence wins the battle, those words die down, very much when they are concieved.
The victory of silence, like darkness in my life is predominant. I am used to losing to it. They say unconditional love, often sprouts from true friendship. They say, Trust takes birth in hearts of two people simultaneously. They say, in true love, desires are uncompetitive.
My love sprouted from our friendship, sailed across with trust, and desires where more collaborative, everything was perfect. My long awakened nights, often keep me thinking, if everything was so perfect, why did it crash.
Reema, there is no formula, for love, no good recipe for affection, they are naturally precise, raw and balanced. I didn't carry fake emotions, all that I had for you was true, precise and natural. You left me with memories, of those nights on stairs under the stars, warmth of that half cup coffee on my fingers, your words, that feeling in your eyes. I feel incomplete with these dead memories.
The catastrophe that happened, has taken the most important part of my existence. In times to come, I would carry these unanswered questions, few of which I give to you, few which I keep safe in my heart.
Samar !
The victory of silence, like darkness in my life is predominant. I am used to losing to it. They say unconditional love, often sprouts from true friendship. They say, Trust takes birth in hearts of two people simultaneously. They say, in true love, desires are uncompetitive.
My love sprouted from our friendship, sailed across with trust, and desires where more collaborative, everything was perfect. My long awakened nights, often keep me thinking, if everything was so perfect, why did it crash.
Reema, there is no formula, for love, no good recipe for affection, they are naturally precise, raw and balanced. I didn't carry fake emotions, all that I had for you was true, precise and natural. You left me with memories, of those nights on stairs under the stars, warmth of that half cup coffee on my fingers, your words, that feeling in your eyes. I feel incomplete with these dead memories.
The catastrophe that happened, has taken the most important part of my existence. In times to come, I would carry these unanswered questions, few of which I give to you, few which I keep safe in my heart.
Samar !
Sunday, September 28, 2008
About life !
A carcass of emotions, is lying in front of me, the perspective of this character, Samar, has taken over me. Today I write, his thoughts in my pen, as if I have lived besides him, or perhaps lived him.
A question, a basic one, we come in this world alone, we go out of this place alone, why in course of existence, we look for a companion? What was before life, and after death is not known, but what is in life is. May be, a companion is sought for emotional, physical and mental togetherness, until, the journey after death begins.
Existence brings about often unanswered questions of destiny, fate and luck also, love, faith and belief. The origin of these unanswered emotions, is untraceable. May be, the onward journey before life, has roots over which these leaves of emotion grow, or may be, the world around us, imparts them, throughout the journey of our existence. What I always wanted to seek is the truth behind these emotions.
So a question, about life, about emotions, created a character called Samar,These days I try to look at the world from the eyes of this character, it looks pale, dark, emotionless which otherwise is colorful, illuminated and emotional.
A question, a basic one, we come in this world alone, we go out of this place alone, why in course of existence, we look for a companion? What was before life, and after death is not known, but what is in life is. May be, a companion is sought for emotional, physical and mental togetherness, until, the journey after death begins.
Existence brings about often unanswered questions of destiny, fate and luck also, love, faith and belief. The origin of these unanswered emotions, is untraceable. May be, the onward journey before life, has roots over which these leaves of emotion grow, or may be, the world around us, imparts them, throughout the journey of our existence. What I always wanted to seek is the truth behind these emotions.
So a question, about life, about emotions, created a character called Samar,These days I try to look at the world from the eyes of this character, it looks pale, dark, emotionless which otherwise is colorful, illuminated and emotional.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Lunch table.
A quiet evening, this day three years back gave me memories of a life time. At about the same time now, I was driving all the way in a rush to wish Happy Birthday to my love, meet and greet her for the day.
On the way, I stopped to pickup few flowers and a chocolate pack from a shop, a smile and thought from within. I carried them carefully until I reached my destination.
Dressed in blue, with glaring eyes, she stood at the entrance of the Restaurant, welcomed me, My persistent and natural smile stretched to its limits at her first sight. She was special to me. She held my hand and guided me to the lunch table. I gave her flowers and chocolate pack along with my smile and a beautiful thought, and said Happy Birthday Reema. The smile, which was conceived deep in my heart, found a way on to her lips.
An ecstacic moment of existence. Her blue eyes widenend with happiness. I often fell short of words when I looked into her eyes. This was one such moment. I always felt like looking at her, being with her.
I loved her.
She loved me too.
Perhaps, in life, somethings become so obvious, that you need not get vocal about them. Our love for each other had grown and matured that we never had to get vocal about it. From times, we would have had this lunch at a Star Hotel to times, we had met at a local restaurant to celebrate this day, is an example enough to describe what financial overturns we had seen together by then. Yet nothing seemed to matter, Just being together, was a moment of celebration.
For several minutes, she stared at me, and I looked at her, it was a moment, clocks stopped ticking. Her warmth engulfed me, I forgot about the world around.I held her hand close, and pulled her towards me. Her cheek turned red.
There was affection all in the air, in our togetherness, I never thought of future, never thought of the world, of ambitions, of dreams. I lived every moment of my existence.
I had the most contentful meal of my life.
Perhaps the last time I did.
After years, I went to the same restaurant today, Took the same table, the table spoke to me, it reminded me of this day, three years back, and asked a question, Did you ever have a contentful meal on any lunch table in any restaurant like you had this day three years back?
I said no.
It smiled in pride, and I cried in its solace.
Samar's Diary
On the way, I stopped to pickup few flowers and a chocolate pack from a shop, a smile and thought from within. I carried them carefully until I reached my destination.
Dressed in blue, with glaring eyes, she stood at the entrance of the Restaurant, welcomed me, My persistent and natural smile stretched to its limits at her first sight. She was special to me. She held my hand and guided me to the lunch table. I gave her flowers and chocolate pack along with my smile and a beautiful thought, and said Happy Birthday Reema. The smile, which was conceived deep in my heart, found a way on to her lips.
An ecstacic moment of existence. Her blue eyes widenend with happiness. I often fell short of words when I looked into her eyes. This was one such moment. I always felt like looking at her, being with her.
I loved her.
She loved me too.
Perhaps, in life, somethings become so obvious, that you need not get vocal about them. Our love for each other had grown and matured that we never had to get vocal about it. From times, we would have had this lunch at a Star Hotel to times, we had met at a local restaurant to celebrate this day, is an example enough to describe what financial overturns we had seen together by then. Yet nothing seemed to matter, Just being together, was a moment of celebration.
For several minutes, she stared at me, and I looked at her, it was a moment, clocks stopped ticking. Her warmth engulfed me, I forgot about the world around.I held her hand close, and pulled her towards me. Her cheek turned red.
There was affection all in the air, in our togetherness, I never thought of future, never thought of the world, of ambitions, of dreams. I lived every moment of my existence.
I had the most contentful meal of my life.
Perhaps the last time I did.
After years, I went to the same restaurant today, Took the same table, the table spoke to me, it reminded me of this day, three years back, and asked a question, Did you ever have a contentful meal on any lunch table in any restaurant like you had this day three years back?
I said no.
It smiled in pride, and I cried in its solace.
Samar's Diary
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Samar's Dairy 17th Oct
Today is one of the most unforgettable days of my life, my journey so far had mixed experiences. I must say, in just twenty four years of my life, I have by n large seen the best and worst days of my life. From the most blissful days to the days of loneliness, with only a laptop and notepad to share my experiences. It was this day, I have always waited for each year, until recent times, This day has always been the most celebrated one for years, and now loneliness prevails. A silent loneliness with an appetite for life.
I have lived a thousand lives in every moment, when I heard the song from your heart. Every time, you were tired and looked up to smile at me. When you were busy eating, some times just had a short nap as we traveled together. In every such moment, my life said to my heart, perhaps this why you beat and I live.
I would have loved to die with only these moments and memories but, destiny was not so merciful to me.
When I helplessly watched you leave, I died a thousand deaths, I felt the pain of dying a thousand times in single moment of life. I still have a lot to ask, a lot to express, I don't have words, I leave it to tears at times, and at times to silence. Do you know how it feels to oscillate between living a thousand lives in a moment to dying a thousand deaths?
Painful.
The moment when first your hands separated from mine, my reluctant fingers still had a hope to hold on to yours, but they had only air left between them. They write in dismay. My eyes, wanted to see you turn, and come back. They still have tears and questions in them, as they read these lines. My heart, still aches, every time a flying page of memory comes to hang on the tree of my present existence. I live in these weak moments every day. Perhaps I have lost all my strength in the oscillations between life and death.
Thanks for coming in to my life. I forgive you for the pain I feel as I live through all moments of my life. I thank you for making me live a thousand lives in a moment of togetherness. I Thank you for giving this precious day to me, when I consolidate and see through my own life.
Samar.
I have lived a thousand lives in every moment, when I heard the song from your heart. Every time, you were tired and looked up to smile at me. When you were busy eating, some times just had a short nap as we traveled together. In every such moment, my life said to my heart, perhaps this why you beat and I live.
I would have loved to die with only these moments and memories but, destiny was not so merciful to me.
When I helplessly watched you leave, I died a thousand deaths, I felt the pain of dying a thousand times in single moment of life. I still have a lot to ask, a lot to express, I don't have words, I leave it to tears at times, and at times to silence. Do you know how it feels to oscillate between living a thousand lives in a moment to dying a thousand deaths?
Painful.
The moment when first your hands separated from mine, my reluctant fingers still had a hope to hold on to yours, but they had only air left between them. They write in dismay. My eyes, wanted to see you turn, and come back. They still have tears and questions in them, as they read these lines. My heart, still aches, every time a flying page of memory comes to hang on the tree of my present existence. I live in these weak moments every day. Perhaps I have lost all my strength in the oscillations between life and death.
Thanks for coming in to my life. I forgive you for the pain I feel as I live through all moments of my life. I thank you for making me live a thousand lives in a moment of togetherness. I Thank you for giving this precious day to me, when I consolidate and see through my own life.
Samar.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Pain !
Silence has a rhythm of its own, a song, a composition, try to listen carefully, silence has words, words which galvanize with your thoughts. Silence has a beautiful composition, painless, expressionless, tasteless, thoughtful.
The rhythm of silence takes me back to a day in Samar's life, a painful day, read through.
Its 2008, 3rd January, a guy stands in front of an office in Hitech City of Hyderabad, with shivering hands, staring at a building, vehicles passing with great speed behind him. He manages to walk down to find a place to sit and look around.
Its Samar.
This is one of the days Samar is living for himself, with only memories around him, he hears the sounds of laughter, sees smiling faces, friends walking around, reema looking up to him with a smile. This is a shadow of the past, when Samar, reema, and all friends spent time, after their days work @ night 12:30, with a coffee cup in hand. He sees all that does not exist any more, what surrounds him are a group of strangers, he some times smiles, ushers some words, remains quite. All in attempt to live the life as past. Although knowing, its over, its not going to come back.
After an hour, he gets up, walks to his car, unlocks it and takes the drives seat. Wondering so much has changed. As he drives, he recollects, the days, when reema traveled along. Every moment with her. Every word of her. All about her.
Samar drives down not knowing where he is heading to. Still tarnished memories are striking his thoughts.. He continues to drive and like the road to his destination, the road of his life is also endless, filled with memories and Pain, as he steers his life.
Are you traveling on a road parallel to Samar's road of life? May be or May be not, but in any relationship, people go, pain stays. It stays as long as we exist. Good luck to Samar, and good luck to you with your journey, if you are steering on a parallel road !
Some one rightly said
ज़िंदगी से बड़ी सज़ा ही नहीं
क्या जुर्म kiya है पता भी नहीं
The rhythm of silence takes me back to a day in Samar's life, a painful day, read through.
Its 2008, 3rd January, a guy stands in front of an office in Hitech City of Hyderabad, with shivering hands, staring at a building, vehicles passing with great speed behind him. He manages to walk down to find a place to sit and look around.
Its Samar.
This is one of the days Samar is living for himself, with only memories around him, he hears the sounds of laughter, sees smiling faces, friends walking around, reema looking up to him with a smile. This is a shadow of the past, when Samar, reema, and all friends spent time, after their days work @ night 12:30, with a coffee cup in hand. He sees all that does not exist any more, what surrounds him are a group of strangers, he some times smiles, ushers some words, remains quite. All in attempt to live the life as past. Although knowing, its over, its not going to come back.
After an hour, he gets up, walks to his car, unlocks it and takes the drives seat. Wondering so much has changed. As he drives, he recollects, the days, when reema traveled along. Every moment with her. Every word of her. All about her.
Samar drives down not knowing where he is heading to. Still tarnished memories are striking his thoughts.. He continues to drive and like the road to his destination, the road of his life is also endless, filled with memories and Pain, as he steers his life.
Are you traveling on a road parallel to Samar's road of life? May be or May be not, but in any relationship, people go, pain stays. It stays as long as we exist. Good luck to Samar, and good luck to you with your journey, if you are steering on a parallel road !
Some one rightly said
ज़िंदगी से बड़ी सज़ा ही नहीं
क्या जुर्म kiya है पता भी नहीं
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